Eulogies: Kenneth Robert Montlack

I’m Liz Martin, Chris’s daughter and Ken’s stepdaughter. I’m sharing words on behalf of myself and my brother, Matt, and memories on behalf of my brother, Tim.

When our parents divorced, Matt, Tim, and I were 14, 12 and 10, and our mom put off dating to focus on raising us… So, you can imagine our surprise when during my freshman year of college, I began to find my mom very unavailable. She was either sailing on Lake Chautauqua, skiing in Holiday Valley, or relaxing in the backyard hot tub of one Ken Montlack.

But we couldn’t be skeptical. Not after we saw how happy she was with Ken. He was kind, liked to have fun, and the good kind of quirky. I still remember my mom telling me after one of their first dates how she arrived at Ken’s house a few minutes early, only to see him through a backdoor window sitting on a stool in his basement giving himself a haircut naked.

It was no small feat to impress us, all of us—Matt, Tim, and I, our friends who loved our mom like their own, and our large, extended Henry family, but Ken never shied from the task. He embraced it.

Ken certainly got more than he bargained for when Tim died shortly after he married our mom, but he didn’t flinch. He created a safe space for us, and especially our mom, to grieve and rebuild. He rolled with it for years whenever Matt and I showed up to do laundry, raid their fridge, use their hot tub, or, in my case, live with him and my mom at multiple different times. I got to see their life together up close and learn Ken’s character—and what made him a character. He was an obsessively meticulous recycler, a consummate hummer, and the messiest dish washer I have ever met. But when we sat down to dinner, he always wanted to know what I was up to and how I was doing.

Helping to put together the slideshow of Ken’s life, I realized that I only knew a slice of it, but I know I knew Ken. He was about as genuine and authentic as they come, and what you saw was what you got. He was intelligent, fair, and steady. He was known for funneling open soy sauce packets from carryout into the La Choy bottle in his cupboard, going skiing in a visibly duct-taped ski jacket, and using a regular, ceramic mug as his “travel” mug, coffee stains all over his convertible’s leather interior be damned. He never made a fuss—nor needed a fuss made—about anything.Matt and I will be forever grateful for what Ken brought to our mom’s life as her rock and her adventure partner. We will be forever grateful for what Ken brought to our lives, and what Papa Ken brought to our children’s lives.

In the end, Ken went from some guy dating our mom—to a man we loved and respected, and who we’ll miss dearly.

Mom, we know you gave your whole heart to Ken unquestioningly, as you do with those you love, and saying goodbye hurts. We’re here—all of us—to wrap our arms and lives around you, the strongest person we know. You could’ve missed the pain, but then you would have had to miss the dance.

We love you, Mom.We love you, Ken.

FROM ROBYN

It’s so wonderful to have heard all week about the incredible impact of Ken’s life with his involvement in so many groups and communities he chose to immerse himself in. We all can only hope to make such an indelible mark in our own lifetime. But I’m here to speak on behalf of a group he didn’t choose and I’m willing to bet he didn’t see coming…

You see 23 years ago when Ken met Chris she was a wonderful gal with 3 older kids, easy enough to fold into a busy mid-life rhythm right? Well maybe not… it didn’t take long for Ken to realize the “Chris package” was a bit larger than first suspected. At that time, her immediate family of siblings/spouses kids and the matriarch aunt included over 25 people with an additional countless extended family of close-knit cousins, aunts, and uncles. And boy did they love their family gatherings.

Well, Ken took it all in stride immersing himself into the abyss. But, as would any self-respecting introvert, he made a pact with Chris to limit his attendance to 1 large family gathering a month of her choosing. Reasonable enough.

So, With a bottle of single malt scotch in one hand, his signature salad in the other and a NY Times under his arm, he entered each gathering with a big smile and preceded to “work the crowd” showing interest in each person’s life, listening to stories in his quiet and unassuming way, sprinkling conversations with his dry, clever wit and wonderful laugh. He was always willing to give advice when asked or an opinion when prompted, be it regarding business, religion or liberal politics in short, straight forward doses. He even, on occasion, helped to move the needle a little more to the left for some of our more conservative, right leaning family members.

When he was not in a corner listening intently to someone, he could sometimes be seen sitting in the middle of the chaos finding needed refuge behind a fully unfolded NY Times.

Well Over the years the “Henry clan” grew by leaps and bounds now having more than DOUBLED in size since his first initiation into the family, as the next generation of babies and in-laws were added to the mix at break-neck speed.  While, Ken took it all in stride welcoming each new person added to the Henry roster he did comment at one family gathering at his house that watching the Henrys exit a party is like watching glacier melt!!

As good a sport as he was with the larger family crowds, Ken’s preference always seemed to be the smaller, more intimate gatherings. Along these lines, he opened the doors to his Chautauqua house to anyone and everyone who wanted to join them for their summer weekend visits. Even families with the little ones were welcome for the weekend and he was, on occasion, known to play monopoly with the kids. He also loved taking anyone interested out on hiit sailboat.

Even with all the weekend visitors Ken kept true to his daily routine beginning with microwaving cold coffee from his milk jug in the refrigerator and reading the Times cover to cover, then working out amidst the visitors’ clutter.

He also welcomed family to his annual Seder dinners, where he patiently explained the nuances of the occasion . While many of us wanted to join in on the yearly event we were careful to limit our attendance as to not have the Henry Gentiles outnumber the Jews!

Then each year Chris and Ken hosted a sibling dinner at their house where, like most of Ken’s endeavors in life, his grill cooking was always well done, although not necessarily fully appreciated by those medium/rare Henrys. In general, Ken was always generous with his time, resources and legal knowledge, including quietly investing in family endeavors, advising on real estate matters and drawing up legal documents. I can’t say enough about all that Ken lovingly bought to our Henry family over the years. His kindness, his generosity, his wisdom, his humor and most of all his love and adoration for our Chris!

So here is to you Ken. And while we know that you are in good company right now, it is safe to say that, like that slow moving glacier you fondly referred to as the Henry family, the essence of you and memories of your wisdom, humor and love, will not be leaving any one of us anytime soon!

June 19, 2023 Linda